I don’t think the same as other people. That is now understood. But as to why I don’t, I am not really sure. There is now talk among certain people that I now exist on the Autistic Spectrum in some degree. This certainly would account for the disjointed nature of my thinking at time.
I struggle to understand sometimes how people get their opinions all the time. Every time something passes them, they neatly file it in their mind. Do they like it, or don’t they like it. Was it enjoyable or a horrible experience.
I don’t do that. I only file something against an emotion whenever I specifically need to. Did I like that piece of music that just played. No idea. I would have to listen to it again, or think hard and remember the piece of music playing back in my head to work out if I liked it or not, otherwise it just sits in my head as a piece of music. Neither liked or loathed. Sometimes this will happen though, which always surprises me. In fact, any time I have an opinion on something I am more often than not surprised that I do have one.
Food is another big one. Did I enjoy that meal? I generally can’t answer that. I didn’t throw up, so it couldn’t have tasted that bad (Although I can generally stomach some pretty horrendous crap. Fortunately, J is a good enough cook that I can just presume that everything is good and then believe that I actually enjoyed it). I don’t remember sensations, or maybe I just don’t have the sensations, because unless I am consciously looking for a reaction from myself, then it may as well not happen, or maybe it doesn’t).
With most people, this linked up thinking happens automatically. We went shopping for a new car yesterday, and a lot of cars fell into the grey area in the middle where I have no opinion on them. Most of the ones that didn’t were either horrific in some way (Fiat Multipla for example) or lit some kind of fire inside me (Mainly the sportier cars. Electric Blue Mondeo ST, Mazda RX8) and were completely out of my price range. Fortunately, one car did make me think that actually I quite liked it. And then J and I ended up deciding to buy it. So we are now the proud owned of a March 2005 Renault Scenic 1.9dci. It didn’t quite light the fire that some of the ‘out of my range’ cars did, which I never realistically entertained, but rather mentioned mainly to get a reaction from J, but it did not fade into the mediocrity of most of the others. J had a particular thing for the Citroen Xsara Picasso, but I just don’t think I could have brought myself to face that on a regular occurrence. As it is, the Renault is just quirky enough (mainly due to the “shake your ass” rear) and has just enough gadgets (Keyless entry, automatic wipers, automatic lights etc.) to get a reaction from me. At least it fell on my radar somewhere. And there is a part of me that knows that this is the sensible option that did not see me sulking about the Jag X-Type that I particularly liked.
Cars aside, the problem comes when people believe that you should have had an opinion on something. God knows, when I do have an opinion, it causes enough problems. People should be glad that I don’t have opinions on everything. And I think this is because I don’t choose to have an opinion on everything. It doesn’t happen naturally on most stuff, so most stuff doesn’t get it. Unless I need to, of course.
This is another work in progress though and is only my thoughts to this point in time. Maybe I just have a really juvenile opinion system which is not mature enough to calculate an opinion on most things unless the are in my face, or maybe my muted sense of being is so insensitive that unless it is screaming the opinion at me, I just can’t hear it. Either way, I don’t have an opinion on everything, so don’t get angry when I don’t care and consequently, when I do have an opinion, it means that I really really feel that way, so it is unlikely that anything you say will change it.